Hidden Truths
by The Wanlorn
Summary: PG13 for dropping the F-bomb once. This is set after the 3rd episode of the 2002-03 season, 'Cipher'. Another Sydney/Vaughn thing. R/R/E


**Hidden Truths**

(A/N:  I'm going to try to keep this short.  *Grin* this has become sort of a series for me. The previous two are 'The Sun Will Come' and 'A Tool for Manipulation'.  But all of them are pretty much stand-alones.  Man, I love the Sd6 techie guy!  He is soooooooo cool!  Good lord, does everyone in the CIA see the same psychiatrist?  Anywho, R/R/E - Read, Review, Enjoy!  Sydney's mum and her look freakily similar, seeing as how they are only actors…)

Disclaimer:  None of these characters belong to me.  Unfortunately (or maybe you think that's a good thing…).  Nor am I making any money off of these.  Which sucks.

"Pounding in your temples  
And a surge of adrenalin  
Every muscle tense-  
To fence  
The enemy within…"  
            RUSH - 'The Enemy Within'

            Dixon raced to Sydney's location, keeping an eye on the four bogies.  He shot the blonde guy (A/N: Not quite sure if he's Sark, I don't remember what he looked like) in the back, knowing instinctively that this was one of the bad guys.  His eyes searched frantically for Sydney.  Secretly, he viewed Agent Bristow as a surrogate daughter, which gave franticness to his search.  Where _was_ she, God damn it!  
            His eyes finally lit upon a patch of clear ice.  Fuck!  She must have fallen through!  He raced over.  Sydney was there, under the ice, frantically trying to break it.  He dropped to his knees and smashed at the glassy ice with his ice pick, praying he, too, wouldn't fall in.  As soon as the hole was large enough, he dragged her out, soaked and chattering.  AS she gasped the life-giving air, he radioed the helicopter to pick them up outside the ice cave.  
            "Come on, Syd," he said, leading her outside.  "Hang on.  We'll get you warm in a second."  The other agents were dead, shot to death from below the ice.  "Did you find the music box?"  
            Sydney tried to distract his attention from the silver briefcase that held the corroding music box as she shook her head by exacerbating her shivering.  Of course, it wasn't one hundred percent feigned.  Her clothes were icing over as they spoke.  _Can you say hypothermia_? she thought dryly.  "Th-th-the b-b-box was empt-t-ty."  
            She managed to get into the helicopter, and the agents there immediately started attempting to warm her up and bring her body out of shock.  They also tried to keep her awake, and in the back of her mind, Sydney knew that she should stay awake, but it was getting so hard, and the blackness seemed so comforting.  One of the last thoughts she had was that she wished Vaughn had been able to see that ice cave with her.

/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\

"The world weighs on my shoulders  
But what am I to do?  
You sometimes drive me crazy  
But I worry about you…"  
            RUSH - 'Distant Early Warning'

            Vaughn impatiently paced before a park bench.  Not the same one he and Sydney had sat on the last time they had met, but a different in a different park.  As soon as he knew that Sydney was at home, home from the hospital, he called her to arrange another clandestine meeting.  HE had to really see for himself that she was okay.

  
"I know it makes no difference  
To what you're going through  
But I see the tip of the iceberg-  
And I worry about you…"  
            RUSH - 'Distant Early Warning'

            So intent was he on his pacing and worrying that he did not notice Sydney until she was standing right in front of him.  Letting his guard down like that was _not_ good.  Vaughn immediately wrapped her in a tight embrace, needing to feel that she was alive and real, not a hallucination.  
            Sydney gratefully let him hold her.  She laid her head against his chest, feeling safe and protected.  Although she hated to admit, her life was becoming overly stressful.  And coming that close to drowning, to freezing to death, to being shot again, scared her more than she was willing to admit.  So she eagerly welcomed the brief comfort of Vaughn's arms, seeking shelter from the storm.

"When all around is madness  
And there's no safe port in view  
I long to turn my path homeward  
And stop a while with you…"  
            RUSH - 'Madrigal'

            Vaughn inhaled the spicy scent of her hair, savoring the smell, knowing this could be the last time he ever saw her.  Every time he saw her could be the last time, what with their jobs.  But he had conveniently managed to forget that truth, until he heard about Sydney's latest escapade.  
            "This time you can't yell at me," Sydney said, not releasing him, "because I wasn't being reckless.  This time."  
            Vaughn laughed a little, but quickly sobered.  "God, Sydney, when I heard…I swear, my heart stopped.  You have no idea how much you mean to me."  His arms convulsively tightened around her as he again realized that if Dixon had been a couple seconds slower, Sydney would not be in his arms right now.  
            "I think we've both pretty much proven that we're invincible," Sydney said, trying to lighten the mood.  
            Vaughn shoved her roughly out to arms length, gripping her arms.  "No we're not.  No _you're_ not.  Dixon told your father everything, who in turn told me."  Jack Bristow thought it important that Sydney's handler know what was going on.  He also had a slight suspicion that they cared for each other more that was appropriate.  For once, however, he put his daughter's happiness before everything else and didn't inform his superiors.  
            "They couldn't keep you awake, Sydney.  They tried everything they could, but as soon as the adrenaline wore off… Once they got you to a hospital, your heartbeat was so slow… You almost _died_ Sydney.  If you can't acknowledge that for yourself, acknowledge it for me, so I know you'll be more careful.

"I looked in your eyes  
I noticed emotion  
And that you had cried  
For me-  
I can see…"  
            RUSH - 'Tears'

            Sydney was surprised to see a glittering of tears in his eyes.  "Hey, but I'm okay, aren't I?"  She gently broke his grip on her arms and moved closer to him, reaching up to caress the side of his face.  "Believe me, I know I almost died.  They told me my heart stopped twice.  I now carry with me a dislike for cold water.  But I survived, didn't I?  I'm, standing here with you."  
            Vaughn blinked back the tears threatening to spill over.  He couldn't remember the last time he had wept, but he wasn't going to start now.  But the thought of Sydney, cold and still, lying in a coffin surrounded by flowers… The image was too vivid in his mind.  He cupped her face with his hands, trying to memorize every feature, just in case.  
            Sydney let her chin rest in his hands; let the warmth of his palms seep through her cheeks.  Nor did she resist when he tilted her head up and gently kissed her lips.  There was no passion involved, as there was last time.  This was a gently, comforting caress of her lips.  Stolen kisses like this were all they would ever be allowed.

"In vain to search for order  
In vain to search for truth  
But these things can still be given  
Your love has shown me truth…"  
            RUSH - 'Madrigal'

            "Let's change the subject, Sydney, okay?"  Vaughn asked, resting his cheek against hers.  "I keep on picturing…"  
            "Sure."  Sydney broke away first and sat down.  It was an unspoken agreement between the two CIA agents that when they met like this, they could act however they wanted.  They could act as though the CIA didn't exist, or as if it did.  Only during these meetings could they express their true feelings for each other.  But they would have to be careful, oh so careful, so that both sides remained unsuspicious.  
            Vaughn sat down close to Sydney, their thighs touching.  Sydney leaned her head on his shoulder, checking out the landscape.  They were sitting on the banks of a pond, the waters sparkling with reflected sunlight.  The grass was green-green, the sky a baby blue with few clouds.  It was a beautiful day.

"It's a beautiful day  
Sky falls, you feel like  
It's a beautiful day  
Don't let it get away…"  
            U2 - 'Beautiful Day'

            "How do you find these places?" she asked, smiling.  "It's beautiful."  
            "Too much time to wander around."  That wasn't strictly true.  After their first meeting, at Carpe Noctem, he had diligently searched for places for them to meet.  He knew meeting this often was dangerous, that someone would get suspicious, but he couldn't give it up.  After seeing her twice in a non-work-related situation, he was hooked.  Seeing Sydney like this…it was as close to heaven as he would get.  
            "DO you think they are ever going to hypnotize Will again?" Sydney asked.  She was still sort of angry that they had made her friend relive that torture again.  He had been slowly getting over it, and now he was almost back to square one.  They had _no right to do that to someone.  
            Vaughn could see the anger in her eyes, and a pang of jealously flashed through him, as it had when Will and Sydney had been in the soundproofed room, and him behind the glass.  The tender look on her face as she whispered something in his ear, the look in Will's eyes… And before that, when he had talked to Will to arrange the meeting…  
            Vaughn had a sinking feeling that Will wanted to be more than 'just friends' with Sydney, and that Sydney did care deeply about Will.  When push came to shove… He wasn't sure whom Sydney would choose.  No, he was sure.  If push ever came to shove, he would lose out.  He and Sydney would always be unable to have a real relationship.  It was too dangerous, and as long as Sydney was a double agent, it was completely impossible.  Will, however, could offer her everything.  And it wouldn't be like Danny, her old fiancé.  Her __dead fiancé.  Will already knew everything, so there would be no secrets.  Vaughn would be the one to lose her._

"Closed for my protection  
Open for your scorn  
Between these two directions  
My heart is sometimes torn…"  
            RUSH - 'Open Secrets'

            Sydney watched as an array of emotions passed over Vaughn's face after her simple question.  He never let anyone see what he was feeling, kept a half-smile mask on all the time; she figured that these must be strong.  First was jealousy, then sadness, and finally, defeated resignation.  The jealousy, she understood.  He was jealous of Will.  She could even come up with a reason for that, as dumb as it was.  She and Will were good friends, as they would always be, but never anything more.  The rest…  
            "A penny for your thoughts?" she asked, looking up at him.  
            "Nothing.  Nothing important.  And I don't know if they will."  He kissed her forehead.  "But if they do try to call him in again, it won't be my idea.  Your friend had been through enough."  
            "Yes, he had."  Sydney was not about to debate that.  "The classic catch-22 - torn between a friend and a job.  Hurt a friend or hurt the country."  
            "But that is only _if they decide there is something else the need that he can give from his memories.  Which I doubt."  
            "Yeah, but right now, the powers that be seem to enjoy screwing me over."  Sydney grimaced slightly.  
            Vaughn ran his hands gently through her silky hair.  They sat in silence until Vaughn had to leave for a meeting.  Sydney watched as Vaughn walked away, the sunshine glinting off his hair.  She hadn't thought that dirty blonde hair could glint, but apparently, it could.  Sydney wished with all of her might that things would suddenly change, that their jobs would no longer be an issue.  
            But, not all that unexpectedly, no fairy godmother appeared, nor did a genie come out of a lamp to grant her wished.  Maybe things were just not meant to be.  Or maybe they had to find another way._

"A boy alone, so far from home  
Endless rooftops from my window  
I felt the gloom of emptying rooms  
On rainy afternoons  
Sometimes in confusion  
I felt so lost and disillusioned…"  
            RUSH - 'Circumstances'

_*Fin*_


End file.
